


The Gray Area

by M_Skywalker



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, Plot, Possessive Kylo Ren, Set during TFA and after, Violence, will have explicit content in later chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-06-06 15:45:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6760093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M_Skywalker/pseuds/M_Skywalker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are Anatoli, a Force sensitive, who has had everything taken form her by the First Order at a very young age. </p><p>Your Force sensitivity, although somewhat studied theoretically and practiced in peaceful circumstances is still pretty raw and untrained. As you struggle against your desires for revenge you act recklessly and in doing so, fall captive to the Order. Your specific talents make you particularly interesting to a certain Commander. Who has his own struggles to deal with. </p><p>Kylo Ren/Reader, some of Poe Dameron/Reader.</p><p>This has been inspired by many, many phenomenal works I've read here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Force sensitive

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, guys. 
> 
> So first of all, this is the first fic I've written in English, which is not my native language, so there's that. Therefore I apologize for any and all mistakes up ahead.  
> Also this is just something that I cooked up in my mind after watching TFA, and it is set during its plot, but will continue afterwards.

Breathing evenly, calmly you've relaxed all your muscles. There laid the trick- to stranger's eyes you would seem very in control of every single muscle of every single fiber of your body, siting up straight on the porch with your eyes closed, but in truth it has been one of rare completely calm moments you've had. With your thoughts cleared and your heartbeat steady you could feel your own strength, the subsistences in your body spoke loudly and clearly as ever. And your alignment with the force allowed you to hear them in all the space surrounding you. It was as though you were talking with every living being in a radius around you. You knew if you focused enough it would be possible to feel how the galaxy ties into one big system around you and you the large volumes of the force would flow through you, adding to your strength.

At your age of twenty you took pride in your achievements and in your decent control of the Force, considering the circumstances. The Jedi Order was long gone and all their traditions and teachings have been reduced to a legend status. Many of your peers haven't even believed the legend is true. But you knew, oh you knew- you've felt it- The Force, for as long as you could remember. In a very young age you couldn't understand it, not quite, it was as though you saw into other people's soul as easy as you saw their faces. So you knew that faces and words, especially words, are deceptive more often than not. This had made you into a perceptive yet rebellious child, driven by impulses you’d trusted more than anything else. However, you didn't understand your ability back then, not by a long shot. And wise scholars who had some, theoretical knowledge were sadly not frequent visitors on your home planet of Corellia. After all it used to be home planet to all the big starship cruisers build for the Galactic Empire back in the day, and a home to many of its remaining supporters. Nowadays, sadly it was fiercely loyal to the First Oder.You took another deep breath as you quelled your sudden surge of emotions as you revisit these memories of your home planet and the life you had there.

 _Teach yourself to let go_ – you thought to yourself, pushing aside the pain of loss. Your family, your childhood has been ripped away from you with the raise of the monstrous military machine called the First order. Your father, a pacifist and an engineer has been killed once he had refused to pledge his loyalty. Betrayed by his own brother.

The memory of that day sent another wave of anger through your system and your sync with your environment shattered for a brief moment. Anger, rage are a force in themselves, yet a quite different one. A frown shows on your thus far flat face. You were aware of your potential to pull from that side of the force, yet you tried your best to discipline yourself and control strong emotions. _Compassion, only compassion_ you reminded yourself. You’ve feared the dark, the dark devoured the soul if a person allows it. 

Your mother used to teach you of the Force, somewhat, though her own knowledge was purely theoretical, she studied the ancient texts that spoke of them. She had always claimed her interest had been purely fascination of an academical sort. She had helped you understand your strange abilities, to a certain extent, but it had been hardly enough. Also, you always suspected that there had been more to her story. Once your aunt mentioned a possibility, there had been rumors after all, she said, that their mother had a special friend who had been a Jedi knight, way back in the Old Republic days. That, of course, would have explained how you’ve obtained your abilities- genetically. Yet there was no possible way to know if those held any truth to them. But be it as it had been both of them were taken away from you by the First Order on the same day as your father. You were only fourteen, hidden in the trees behind the house, you’ve seen the whole bloody ordeal, and it haunted you to this day.

 _Teach yourself to let go_ you repeated again, like a mantra you used to control yourself when the weight of the past became too much.

At first it was simply difficult to pick yourself up off the ground, you had been sure you’d die there unable to move, numb with pain, unable to think, and then it happened. Without even trying you’ve felt it. The Force flew through you and you’ve heard it. A voice. An illusion. To this day you don’t know with accuracy. It said

_“Learn to let go of what you fear to lose. Only then are they truly one with the Force as you are.”_

“I can’t, I can’t! I don’t know how.” You’d answered yet you hadn’t known to whom or to what. 

_“Teach yourself then. Get up!”_  
You have been perplexed about the mysterious occurrence of that day, and ever since you have lived in hope to hear it, or feel it again. But it has never come. However, it has saved your life that much you knew. 

And you’ve survived. Thus far at least. You worked, got of Corellia, visited Coruscant, where you dug your way through old archives, trying to get as many knowledge of the Force and the Jedi ways as you could. It has proven a difficult task since in the years of the Empire most of it has been completely destroyed. You’ve trained, not just your mind and meditating skills, but your physical abilities as well. As your body and mind became stronger they also attuned to the Force more. But there was only so much one could do, without a proper mentor and a teacher. The way you’ve lived and financed yourself in a huge city planet was another painful and rather pitiful memory that you’ve wished not to revisit. Not now, not ever. Two years in Coruscant passed and whispers of the armed Resistance started. The Republic denied any immediate involvement, naturally, but you’d realized it was a necessary course of action giving the growing power of the Order. Even in your young age, you understood the way the galaxy worked. Or that’s what you like to tell yourself. Once you’ve learnt of its existence however, you’ve did your best to seek them out. Another difficult task, but your resolve couldn’t be swayed- your wound left by the First Order still bled. You’ve taught yourself a great deal, but never to truly let go. Not for the lack of trying you told yourself. You tried desperately to only give into compassion, to care of others not of your own burden. A path of a Jedi was not to nurture pain and anger, nor to want anything for themselves let alone something despicable like revenge. Yet you were no Jedi, not really, there were no more Jedi in the Galaxy. You wouldn’t give into your pain and your low passions, you’ve firmly repeated in meditating moments regardless, wanting with all your will power to find some peace in the Force. It should have been enough. But your restless pursuit of the Resistance forces suggested otherwise. Then again you were so good at laying to yourself for so long, so saying over and over you were doing it only out of your concern for the greater good, wasn’t hard at all.

Moving away from the painful memories once more and back deep into your meditation, you felt a new life form entering your approximate surroundings and you’ve opened your eyes just as Poe approached, smiling. It was easy to feel his energy and to catch the train of his thoughts. They were fairly similar each time when he was around you. He had admired you for a while. Furthermore, he has wanted you, you knew it, though he was always pleasant and very respectable, holding himself at a friendly distance, until you decide to invite him closer. And he always hoped one day you would. 

“I swear Anatoli, you look like a statue when you meditate.” He said jokingly as he leaned against a tree. “If I didn’t know you, I though you’re an exceptional piece of art, sculptured in marble” Laughing slightly and raising to your feet you replied.

“Flattery is not your strong suit Dameron, I would have thought you knew I see right through it. Besides for a star Resistance pilot you seem to have way too much free time on your hands.” you teased him. 

Even though you had little desire for a romantic involvement of any sort, you’ve had to admit you liked this slight flirtation you two had going on. Mostly because it was a pleasant change of pace, compared to your other activities in the Resistance, which mostly consisted of organizing briefings and meetings, co-operating with the strategic team, etc. You’ve even took some mechanic training so that you could at least assist in maintenance of the X-wings and feel at least a bit useful. General Organa, has refused your request for pilot training twice already, saying that since you were Force sensitive you were way too valuable to be put in the front lines. Rationally you knew she had a point, but you still wished to fight instead of just sit in the safety of the headquarters, after all that was why you’ve joined. As a means of reliving your frustration you’ve meditated as much as you could. The Force brought you peace, you kept convincing yourself. And Poe brought you a small ray of happiness. And however small it was, it was gravely appreciated, since it was a forgotten feeling. Like something from another life.

“Maybe you know some other way to occupy my hands then” he teased back, a sheepish grin dancing on his handsome face. This earned him a small chuckle. 

“Keep trying, they say persistence always pays off.” You said, as you both started walking back towards the headquarters in a slow pace.

“You can bet I will, Ana. You can bet.” He emphasized the words purposely, and you could feel him straggling his own desire to pull you in his arms right then and there. You had to admit the man had resolve and he never lost his composure and control in spite his naturally impulsive temper. That was admiration worthy. Such control was rare, it could almost match your own, you thought as he continued. “As soon as I return.”

“Return, return from where?” your surprise was obvious. You weren’t informed of any newly sanctioned missions, which was unusual, to say the least.  
Seems that Poe has picked up on your train of thoughts as he spoke. “Yes, I have just been notified myself. In fact, I’ve only come to say goodbye.” As you stayed silent for a second he carried on, in his usual teasing manner. “Well don’t be so sad Ana, it’s a short mission, I’ll be back before you can have another meditating session done.” 

“What’s your mission?” you didn’t know why but this news made you uneasy and your voice reflected that perfectly. Poe halted to give you a surprised and wondering look.

“You know I am not allowed to share that type of information, or I would have already.” He said, a note of strictness in his voice but only for the shortest of moments, a reminder that he outranked you. Then he smiled, falling back into his usual, relaxed self. 

“It will be a success though, I know it and it will finally sway this damn war our way. It will surely prove beneficial to you as well, but don’t ask because I am not saying how or why.” He ended. 

But now you couldn’t help yourself and you allowed your mind to extend as the Force flew through you. Now, Poe was hardly weak-minded, and you knew that had you tried this at any other moment it would have been utterly unsuccessful. But you caught him of guard, and his excitement and emotions towards you were a perfect setting for you to catch a small glimpse of his thoughts. Gasping you looked at him as if you’ve never seen him before and grinning you wrapped your arms around him, leaving the poor chap in shock. 

“You have to take me along!” You said, more hopeful than ever. After years and years of self-directed training, that sucked, you had a chance, a real chance to find someone to teach you. Really teach you, like it used to be in the Jedi Order. 

“That is absolutely out of the question, and you are well aware of that!” Poe, however, didn’t share your excitement anymore. “I can’t believe you have just done that. We are friends!” he purposely said the word friends in a higher tone, trying to make you feel guilty for getting confidential information out of him, quite literally reading his mind.

“What else would you have me do, you didn’t want to tell me.” You defended yourself, even though you knew well enough that was no excuse what so ever. You only then realized you had your arms still wrapped around his firm torso and that in spite of his words his own arms found their way around your waist. Poe was dear to you, in his own way, and you hated putting him in a situation such as this. Regardless this was your chance, and you’ve had enough of sitting on your heals while everyone else got to have some action. Shifting your voice to a more gentle tone you spoke again: 

“Poe, come on, I could be your co-pilot. It would be fun.” 

“You aren’t trained for a pilot” He replied yet his lips spread in a small smile, and you knew that in the back of his mind he was considering your proposition, even if only hypothetically. “Besides, General Organa would never allow it.” With those words you knew you had him and your intentionally positioned your next words as a challenge for him.

“What the General doesn’t know won’t hurt her. And besides somebody has to take care of her most valued pilot. As for my piloting inexperience I make up for it with my obviously superior thinking skills and oh, I don’t know - The Force, now don’t I?”

You could clearly see that he was considering his options carefully, yet you already knew what he was going to choose. With all of his prudence, Poe was a young man and, like all other young men, in large part reckless sometimes. Which worked in your favor in this particular case.

“Ugh, you better not make me regret putting my neck on the line for you, you manipulative girl.” He threatened, but with a hint of amusement in his tone. “We leave as soon as the sun sets, be ready and make sure you’re not seen.” He reminded.

“Yes Sir!” you had saluted in a soldier like manner, just before leaning in to peck his cheek gently. A small thank you, which to him, as you felt, held a promise for more. But you couldn’t think about Poe’s feelings now, you will cross that bridge when you arrive to it. Now there were more pressing matters on your mind.

A map to Luke Skywalker. That surely means a map to your own future, a way to become a true knight, strong enough to finally stand up to the monsters that took your family away from you. There was no way you were going to sit this one out.


	2. No balance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is a bit longer chapter because it follows the beginning of TFA with the addition of the Reader, of course. Therefore it's a bit slower, but I promise that the future chapters won't follow the movie plot so closely.  
> Oh and by the way, I know that X-wing fighters originally have only one seat for the pilot, but I changed that a little bit to fit the story. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys like it.

“Just careful and steady, it’s truly not that difficult trust me.” Poe said as you switched off the autopilot of his X-wings fighter and took the controls. His thoughts uneasy, but mixed with excitement at the sight of you holding his prized battle ship in your hands. Men and their toys, you briefly thought suppressing an amused laugh.

“I am not going to hurt your baby, Poe, you can keep breathing easily.” you teased, but an obvious note of confidence ringed in your voice. And why shouldn’t you be confident? You were good enough to be a Resistance pilot, even more so as a Force user. But the General had her own reason to deem you unfit.

Poe’s voice, close to your ear fazed you from your thoughts, he leaned forward to oversee your handiwork. This has been the first time you’ve piloted after all, in spite of your overconfidence. 

“I wonder if you’re talking about the _Valkyrie,_ or yourself” he teased back, slightly bolder then he had been so far. But you guessed that was your own fault, since this whole mission ignited his hopes. Changing the subject you’ve continued.

“You gave your ship the name _Valkyrie_? It’s unusual, for a name, I mean.” The curiosity in your voice obvious. Poe leaned back in his seat for a second, answering as he caught your unasked question.

“The one who choses who dies and who lives on the battlefield.” He said. This information was new to you. You have never heard of such a story in mythologies before. Then again the Galaxy was vast and it had many religions and legends, and many parts beyond the Outer Rim were still vastly unexplored, so who was really to say how many legends were known to the living beings all over it. And to be honest your own interests have resided only with the Jedi teachings and the knowledge of The Force so you might have missed on plenty of other cultures. Such a name though didn’t seem like something Poe would use for his ship.

“A bit ominous, don’t you think?” you questioned.

“For the Order and its troops, really?” a note of coldness colored his voice for a moment, as he spoke his true feelings, and his emotions reflected light anger through the Force. _No_ you thought _for them it’s not too much._ But you didn’t dare voice your true feelings, after all, they weren’t a path you would willingly follow, you reassured yourself.

“Maybe some of them had little choice in the matter of the side they’re on. The Order kidnaps children, makes them into a brainwashed, practically programed Stormtroopers.” You said. Now on this one you’ve been honest, you’ve seen too many of them taken from your planet as children, before you’ve managed to escape it, even some girls. Upon your words you’ve felt Poe’s emotions calming.

“You’re right. It’s their leadership that’s rotten from inside. I gave her the name with them in mind.” He said a bit more relaxed now, and you chuckled. He referred to his ship using a pronoun her, as if she was a person and you’ve guessed a pilot thinks of his ship as a life companion. 

“So.. “ you continued smiling knowing he could see a weak reflection of you in the glass top of the cockpit. “Does she only listen to you or will she fly as smoothly with me calling the shots?” moving forward again Poe extended his arms so that his hands could cover yours at the commands.

“I can help out, at first. Until she learns to like you, that is.” You heard mischief in his voice just as his emotions betrayed his intentions, but with his pilot reflexes he bested your speed of speaking. Before you could protest he pushed the commands to the left and the ship went into a spinning frenzy.

“Dameron, seriously!” you screamed at him, through another fit of laughter, as your head got increasingly dizzy. Closing your eyes you’ve focused your breathing, calming your thoughts and emotions equally. Never as grateful for your discipline. After a few seconds he stilled the ship, his lips close to your ear. 

“See she likes you already.” He teased and chuckling you replied, only now beginning to see that, truly, General Organa may have had a point, and flying wasn’t your thing.

“The only thing I see, more and more clearly, is that flying is for droids man.” A series of beeps greeted your words and Poe, who had just got ready to reply to you, said, in response to his small astro-droid.

“Yes BB-8, you’re quite right, we do have a mission to get back to.” Then whispering to your ear, added. “BB-8 thinks you’re a distraction, Jedi.” The nickname he sometimes used for you, even if it was meant to tease, once more brought a smile to your face and a renewed awareness of your mission. 

“Lock our co-ordinates BB-8” you’ve agreed with them simply, angry with yourself that you’ve neglected the mission even for a short while. Had you actually been a Jedi, you’d have been a total failure, if this mission was any indication. BB-8 beeped again and your Nav-computer showed your co-ordinates. 

“Ready to take her into hyperspace?” asked Poe, excited to lead you through yet another piloting experience. Smiling, you nodded. 

“Lead the way Dameron.” He motioned to the hyperspace switch and you pulled it, and in a moment all the stars extended as you light speeded towards your destination. As impossible as flying had been just moments ago you had to appreciate that for the first time in your life you’ve had the best seat in the house, so to speak. Siting in the cockpit of Poe’s fighter provided you with an incredible view of the galaxy passing by you in a dance of lights and you gazed in awe. Poe, who seemed to pay attention to your every move grinned, as his lips moved to your ear again.

“See why I like it so much?” he asked as you couldn’t peal your eyes off the sight in front of you.

“It’s like freedom gaining a physical form.” You responded. 

“Exactly, and you can’t tell me that feeling isn’t addictive.” Even though you didn’t see him just then, something about his tone told you he was smiling, one of those large, perfect smiles he usually had on his lips. “We’re almost there, get ready to pull her out.” He warned as he continued. “Five seconds, Ana.” He warned, and you counted down silently and hit the button spot on and the ship returned to regular speed. 

"Can you land her?" Poe asked when a large, golden Planet of Jakku appeared beneath you. There was something serene about gazing upon a Planet from its immediate atmosphere, something godly. And maybe it was just your own obsession with traveling and the calmness you always felt when about to descend on a new world. You’ve known for years now, you had no home, the journey was your home and every new world held a promise of an adventure. 

"Walk me through it and you can count on it, Capitan" You replied, jokingly, as his hands gripped the controls over yours once more.

"With your insane Jedi reflexes you hardly need my help." He teased. “So you can go ahead and admit that you just like my touch." with these words he moved the controls to the left and the Valkyrie began its descend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jakku was a Desert planet which explained its golden shades, and once you jumped out of the X-wing you got instantly too warm. Temperature change made it difficult to breathe for a moment, the sensation similar to a panic attack. But you've learned to deal with those a long time ago. Closing your eyes you drew hot, dry air through your nose, forcing it into your lungs steadily. The Force balanced your body with its environment and a small smile spread on your lips as you felt most extraordinary life forms that lived in this seemingly forsaken wasteland. This place was strong with the force.

 _Odd_. You thought to yourself. But your train of thoughts was interrupted as Poe joined you on the ground having turned his fighter off. BB-8 beamed and fell from his position to the sand beneath but Poe stopped him.

"No, BB-8 you stay with the ship." he told him and the Droid agreed beeping once more, and with a smile you reassured him.

"Don't worry, BB-8, we will be back in no time."

Walking behind Poe, whose focus was back on the mission, you questioned.

"Who are we seeing anyway?"

"An old ally of the General. A comrade from the days of the New Republic's beginnings." He replied not turning. “According to the General, he worked closely to Skywalker in attempts to revive the Jedi Order.”

The days that came after the tyranny of the Empire, the same one the First Order wanted to rebuild up from ashes. And if the man had worked with Skywalker then he had surely helped build the Jedi Academy. The realization gave you a strong feeling of respect towards the person you were about to meet. Also there was a hint of excitement, maybe you’ll get a chance to pick his brain and learn something more about the Jedi, which has always been your primary goal. Poe went around the small desert huts while you followed one step behind him. He finally reached his destination and taking your hand in his he moved inside. You allowed yourself to observe your surroundings for a second. It was a small place basically empty, safe for some shabby old furniture and an old man sitting in the middle of the place.

“You’re late” the old man said, calmly. He looked at Poe for a second and then at you, taking a single moment longer to take you in. A short “Hmm” escaped him, as he observed you. It gave you the urge to step behind Poe and hide, because the old man seemed to look straight into your soul. “But I suppose for you young ones, time doesn’t always seem valuable.” he said a bit more relaxed, and he motioned you both to sit. Poe took the seat opposite of him whereas you landed on the chair close to the entrance of his hut.

“Poe Dameron, I take it.” The old man carried on, as his eyes turned back to you “And who might you be young lady?” 

“That’s Anatoli.” Poe answered for you, quickly. “She's my co-pilot.” The old man rose his eyebrows. He knew Poe was laying you realized, but as much as you focused on the old man nothing seemed to be quite out of the ordinary. He wasn’t Force sensitive, you could almost be sure of it. Only the wisdom of the years, you assumed.

“I see.” The old man didn’t question the matter of you being there further as he took a small bag out of his pocket. Something that would fit some jewelry nicely inside, you thought as he handed it to Poe and closed his hand around it. “This will begin to make things right.” His piercing blue eyes gazed at Poe as if to put weight behind his words. ”I have travelled too far, seen too much to ignore the despair in the Galaxy.” He turned to you for a moment his eyes now locked with yours. “Without the Jedi, there can be no balance in the Force.” and as he uttered his words you smiled. Somehow the old bastard knew about you. 

“Well because of you, now we have a chance.” Poe said and he rose the bag the man gave him. But your smile faded suddenly. You’ve felt something, but you couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was. Like a dark cloud closing in on you from behind your back. Still not close enough but not far either. A disturbance in the environment. A warning of the Force. A chill crawled up your spine, and you spoke absently with a shaky voice, turning to gaze outside.

“Poe..” but he kept talking, not taking notice of your alarmed state.

“The General’s been after this for a long time.” He explained to the old man while you still gazed to the distance over the end of your chair. Your ears buzzing as the ominous cloud crept closer and closer. “Poe..” you’ve repeated slowly once more, but your mind was in a daze of confusion. What was this? You’ve known the Force your whole life, but a presence like this, was new and completely unfamiliar. Or rather, never experienced prior to this occasion. 

“General” said the old man mockingly. “To me she’s royalty.” In the back of your mind you heard, their, currently insignificant, conversation. But in spite of the urgency of the situation, something prevented you form reacting more openly and you took a shaky breath searching for all the light you could possibly feel to be your beacon through the upcoming, inevitable storm. But there seemed to be very, very little of it, the dark cloud however was enormous. _No balance_ , you thoughts repeated the man’s words.

“Well, she certainly is that.” Came Poe’s reply, simultaneously with your voice, this time louder.

“Dammit Poe!” He turned to you. Your heart rate increased even though you did everything in your power to remain calm, the sensation of cold and darkness that was coming made it impossible to control you instincts. It was fear, the back of your mind told you. And you’ve hated fear, fear led to recklessness. You tried breathing again, but only briefly.

“What!?” Poe looked at you, confused. Right then BB-8 stormed through the entrance beeping in utmost urgency. Looking at you for a second and then back to your host, your companion announced. “We’ve got company.”

How did the Order find you!? And more importantly, how the hell were you two going to get out of this one? Poe had, in his pocket, a map to Luke Skywalker, the last Jedi alive. Surely that was the Order’s objective. You, more than anyone knew that they couldn’t be allowed to get their hands on it. However for all your strategic work in the Resistance, all your knowledge in the ways of the Force, and all the year you’ve spent surviving on your own, nothing has ever fully prepared you to be in the field in the middle of a military attack. The attack led by the people who had killed your parents all those years ago. There it is. You thought to yourself, the recklessness, the anger. Breathe Anatoli, it’s just Stormtroopers. They got nothing on you, you know the Force. You’ve repeated to yourself, determined to ignore that growing dark cloud. It had nothing to do with the Force you told yourself, it’s just a product of your fear. An illusion.

Jumping to his feet, with you at his heals, Poe took out his long-range radar and looked, informing the older man. “You have to hide.” 

“And you have to leave. Go!” Came the man’s reply. Both Poe and you headed for the ship in haste as the man’s yelled after you.

“Child!” Somehow you knew he was referring to you and you turned. “Hide your signature.” He yelled over the noise of the villagers running with blasters on point to defend their home against the Order’s intruders. A confused frown showed on your face. And he explained, apparently guessing you had no idea what he was talking about. “Your Force signature. Hide it!” nodding, even though you haven’t truly tried to hide your own existence from the Force before, you turned to catch up with your pilot. 

You heard the shuttles landing, and the troopers running out, you heard the sounds of blasters, but above all you’ve felt each death, and it had been like lights suddenly fading out, one at a time. It was painful, not physically but still, very much so. Remembering the man’s words you’ve closed your eyes, focused on shielding your mind and spirit, praying it would be sufficient to achieve what you intended to do. Poe was already jumping the cockpit as you reached the ship and started climbing in.

“You don’t mind me taking the wheel this time around, don’t you, Master Jedi?” he joked. Bless him he always had a perfect joke even for the most hopeless situations.

“Not at all Capitan.” you said. “It’s your goddamn baby. Just hurry we have friends coming to say Hi.” You’ve replied knowing that his superior piloting skills just might get you out of here in time, given the troopers approaching your position blasters blazing. But as soon as he got BB-8 in place and was about to take off a huge blast hit you and the computer went blank. BB-8 beeped another warning at you both and Poe yelled to him. “I see them!” he put the guns out and before you knew what was happening he blasted the two incomers. 

“Nice shot Capitan!” You complimented as he handed you a blaster and you both jumped back down on the sandy Jakku ground and under the Valkyrie where BB-8 was waiting. “Now what?” 

He gave you one of his determined-to-do-something-completely-stupid looks. And you’ve already knew what was coming, his emotions all but screamed it at you. Leaning in quickly his lips were on yours. Urgently, yet hungrily he moved them against yours like he was trying to savor the kiss for eternity, and at the same time memorize the way you felt, the way you smelled and tasted. And if you were to be honest at that very moment, you wanted to do the same, whether because of the impending threat, or because the warmth of his greedy lips kept the coldness you’ve felt at bay for at least a second, you couldn’t say. Moving your hand to the back of his neck, you drew him closer, desperately needing to prolong that feeling of safety at least for another fleeting instance. Suddenly you wished you had kissed him before, a thousand times before, not like this.

“Dammit Dameron…” You whispered, after he’d broken the kiss just as abruptly as he had initiated it. “We’re not dying here tonight, don’t do this to me.” He gave you one of his charming smiles. Always brave and cheerful, no matter what happened around him. How you admired his spirit, how you envied him because of it too. 

“No, we’re sure as hell are not dying here.” He agreed. “After I’ve got a taste, I plan to live long enough to get more.” He joked again pulling the little bag with the memory storage form his pocket. “Take this, get as far away from here as you can. Don’t turn back.” You took the bag but stared at him as if you’re seeing him for the first time. “Promise me Anatoli, don’t turn back!” Nodding quickly earned you another quick smile as he leaned in to steal another peck off your lips and ran. And so did you, in the opposite direction. A great lump appeared in your throat suddenly and the cold returned, penetrating your skin and creeping towards your heart rapidly. The temporary relief Poe’s lips had brought has burned out and trying to relive its recent memory now only increased the dread. You did not get far, just a few more dunes away. The little astro-droid that rolled behind you quickly too, stopping when you did, beeping almost angrily. 

“I know I promised BB-8, but I can’t leave him there!” Going down on one knee so you’d be on eye-to-eye with the little droid you took the memory storage out of its bag and handed it to him. “Take it and go BB-8. It’s safer with you than it is with me. I’ll go back for Poe.” You added quickly after the droid beeped in protest. “We’ll come back for you, him and I, together. I swear it. You’ll be alright. Go little fellow, get the hell out of here!” 

Without waiting to see if he’d listen you ran back towards the village and moving around a big dune you sneaked behind the row of huts, keeping low to the ground. To your horror the troopers have killed most of the villagers already and were rounding up the remaining lot, while others were burning the village to the ground it seemed. Anger surged through your system like a hurricane, the sight triggering old, so often suppressed emotions.

 _Fucking animals._ You thought, gripping the blaster. On the left from you behind the dune where you’ve left him, you could see Poe doing the same, laying in the sand he fired taking Stormtroopers down one by one but there were way too many of them. You’ve aimed for the closest one in your line of sight and pulled the trigger, the shot went right between his shoulder and chest armor piece, leaving him incapacitated. Focusing on shooting while focusing on shielding your “signature” was a challenge, causing a few miss shots that you rectified fast. At this point you didn’t know was it skill or sheer luck.

The old man, ally to the Resistance, walked towards the central point of his, now very former village, like nothing was happening, waiting for something, you’ve realized. This realization, got your adrenaline down a notch and you’ve become aware of the coldness in your body again, just as a huge black shuttle landed between the smaller ones that had delivered the troops. Fear kicked in again as you lowered yourself further against the hut wall, waiting now too. Troopers grabbed a hold of the old man and led him towards the shuttle that was now opening. Even with your vision poor form the angle you were in you could still see a tall figure, all in black going down its open bridge. Your dark cloud- you immediately guessed as soon as you’ve set your eyes on him. The Force around him raged with cold stillness, but the stillness was just a shell. You could feel it, right underneath the shell was boiling rage, just aching to explode at any moment. Still it was raw power. Power that was all consuming, burning through its wielder like wildfire. Not completely unfamiliar sensation, though its intensity much greater than you’ve ever experienced. Such power, you knew, only came from the Dark Side of the Force. Like you needed anything but to look at him to know this to be true. All your overconfidence and the pride you took in being Force sensitive all your life, have melted away in his presence and you’ve felt like a small desert mouse. Even worse, you wished you were one, so you could run and hide. Hide.

 _Hide your Force signature._ You remembered, only now understanding why you had to do so. And begging with every ounce of your determination that you weren’t already discovered in your foolishness, you suppressed your fear and calmed yourself, focusing fully on pulling your mental shields up. 

The black stranger, whose face was covered with a metallic mask, seemed more focused on the old man, than his surroundings at the moment, which worked to your advantage.

“Look how old you’ve become.” you heard him speak for the first time since his arrival. His voice, changed by his mask, was mechanical, foreign to humanoid ears and it chilled you, tying your stomach in a knot. Yet the old man seemed unfazed, somehow. Given the newcomers comment, they apparently knew each other. Even so you had to hand it to him, he was a tough old bastard. 

“Something far worse has happened to you.” He replied, calmly. For a moment the black man stayed sill and you thought he would kill the old fool then and there (you couldn’t be sure though, reading the emotional response of the newcomer was way too risky at this point).

“You know what I’ve come for.” The newcomer continued, seemingly calm as well. But the old guy almost shrugged his words off saying:

“I know where you come **from**. Before you called yourself Kylo Ren.”

 _Kylo Ren_ your mind unwillingly repeated, him you have heard off. Master of the notorious Knights of Ren, the deadliest squadron of the First Order. What no one bothered to tell you before was that the son of a bitch was a freaking Sith Lord. Or apprentice, maybe. Not that it made much difference anyway. He sure as hell looked as a Lord, in that damn black attire and the title Master of the Knights of Ren. It made sense now, why the General kept you away from action, why she insisted on you not cultivating your talents in the field. She must've been scared of what could happen to you, if you ever met him in battle. Something far worse than death even, just like the old man said.

“The map to Skywalker.” Ren continued. “We know you’ve found it and now you’re going to give it to the First Order.” 

“The First order rose from the Dark Side, you did not.” Insisted the old man. Ren’s calmness shaken for a moment as he spat back.

“I’ll show you the Dark Side!” and for the moment you’ve closed your eyes, knowing the time bomb underneath his shell was about to go off. You eyed Poe, who had his blaster aiming at Ren, waiting for the right time. 

_Don’t try Poe, don’t try._ You thought knowing full well he will try, because that’s who Poe Dameron, Capitan pilot of the Resistance forces was. A good man, kind and compassionate. So foolishly fearless. 

“You may try. But you cannot deny the truth that is your family.” The old man spoke once more, and Ren spoke one last thing to him.

“You’re so right.” He said, as a hot red light appeared and a buzzing sound filled the surroundings. 

A lightsaber, you saw. Quite an uncommon one, with a cross hilt, unlike any descriptions you’ve encountered in your studies of the Jedi and the Sith. The plasma energy of it radiated unevenly, as if it threatened to explode at any given moment. Fitting for its Master. Ren lifted it above his head and in one sift move cut the old man down. It was a blow to your own heart too. You hadn’t even managed to catch the old man’s name but in short time you’ve developed a fierce respect for him. Now there his was, his lifeless body on the sand. You closed your eyes again. 

And as all your suppressed anger started coiling back up, you heard a blaster going off. Poe, you knew even before you reopened them. A huge movement in the Force pinned him to the spot and the beam of his blaster midair. Troopers seized him and brought him in front of Ren forcing him to kneel with a punch to the gut. His gasp of pain, added to your anger. Ren leveled with him, silent for a moment. You’ve gripped you blaster in one hand, freeing the other, listening to Poe’s voice, chill as usual. 

“So, who talks first? You talk first, I talk first?” you almost smiled, almost. 

“The old man gave it to you.” Came Ren’s reply and you moved slowly to the right to obtain a better shot angle. 

“It’s very hard to understand you, with all the..” 

“Search him..” Ren said standing up and after a second the trooper announced. “Nothing Sir.”

“Put him on board.” Was the next order. A trooper in silver armor, different from all the white ones, approached Ren, asking. “Sir, the villagers?” You had a clear shot now, you just needed him fully distracted. This was your opening, hiding be damned. 

“Kill them all.” He replied turning his back to you, just as you took your free hand and focused on moving the blaster beam that was still held midair by his will and firing a new one. He turned with such astonishing speed and grace and held up his both hands holding the blaster beams just inches from them. An enraged half cry half scream filled the air, and you absentmindedly realized it has been your own as you threw the blaster into the sand and raised both hands too, putting more Force behind the beams. A fool’s errand, you saw immediately, it took all your power to hold them whereas he needed only a fraction of his. The troopers lifted their weapons towards you but Kylo Ren growled, in his metallic voice:

“No! Proceed as ordered!” His tone clearly implied he intended to finish you off himself. He wouldn't be challenged, it was a matter of pride. With another wave of the Force Ren sent both of the laser beams flying on either side of your head and into the hut behind you, blasting it. Your knees weakened and shook from the blast, but you somehow managed to hold your ground.

The troopers turned their weapons against the villagers once more, executing their orders. Pain flew through you swiftly and another enraged battle cry left your lips. Holding your hand out toward your blaster it flew back into your grip as you saw the cross hilted saber igniting again. You were like a ragged dog. Aware of the odds somewhere in the back of your mind- you had no chance at besting him. A blaster was no match for a lightsaber, just like you were no match for him. You didn’t care. 

You fired once and he intercepted it, the beam disappearing against his saber as he twilled it in his hand, walking closer. You tried again, but with no better result. Through the Force you could feel, he found this very puzzling, yet amusing. It angered you more and throwing your blaster once more, you waited for his approach, head held high. He had lifted his free hand, ready to freeze you where you stood, then slowly pulled it back down, seeing that you weren’t about to run. This intrigued him even more. He extended his saber and you felt the hot plasma not an inch form your neck. It closeness burned, but it wasn’t unbearable. A hint of fear cursed though your system but you’ve decided to deny him the pleasure of seeing it, even if he could probably feel it.

“Now, what do we have here?” he spoke calmly, much like he did to the old man, he had killed not ten minutes ago. The visor of his metal mask scanning over the Resistance symbol on your shirt. “Another traitor, is it?” he stepped closer, causing his saber to move, trying to inflict terror upon you. _Not going to work, big guy._ You thought, loudly you hopped. Now that he was so close, you noticed he was even taller than he had seemed at first.

“Another fighter for freedom. Not that you would understand that!” you barked back at him. And he _laughed_. His voice changer making even that sound robotic. 

“She speaks, and with such a sharp tongue. Tell me, do all of _you_ make a habit of attacking your enemies when their back is turned?” He said the word you, like it was something filthy. You raised your chin higher. If he was going to kill you he might as well get on with it, you had no interest in listening to him. But the blow didn’t come. ”You’re quite a refreshment, _freedom fighter_. Easily the biggest potential among the members of your silly little Resistance. A Force user, almost half-decent at its use. Though very…” he stopped looking for the word. “Unpolished. That's why you were defeated so... **effortlessly.** ” his tone taunting. 

“Bite me!” You growled back at him and he laughed once more, now definitely more amused. 

“Rude as well, and very angry.” He said as if he was evaluating you or something. “You’re certainly a challenge, aren’t you?” he was fully mocking you now. 

This made you see red again, and not from his goddamn saber. Using your right hand you suddenly went for the hilt, half gripping it and spinning on your heels to land a punch with your elbow. It landed straight into his stomach. The trouble was his hand was huge which gave you little space to grab the saber hilt properly, causing you to burn your hand on one of the cross sides. Being injured by a lightsaber sent the sharpest wave of pain that you had ever felt through every nerve in your body. It was excruciating and it has completely softened your blow. That much was evident- while you were winching in pain your enemy barely moved. Aside from the angry sound he emitted. His free hand gripped your neck almost instantly, cutting your air supply. He disarmed your completely, physically and mentally, and left you shaking like a leaf against him. All you could do now was to grip his wrist with shaky fingers of your uninjured hand, in a pathetic attempt to free your neck. The red of his blade disappeared. He reattached it to his belt and his newly free hand waved in front of your face. 

In an instant the darkness devoured you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, all comments, constructive criticism and suggestions are always welcome and highly appreciated. :)


	3. Self-preservation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. Firstly thank you all for kudos and comments, you are great! :)
> 
> I am sorry it took me forever to write this. It's that time of the year- the exam term. But I hope the chapter will somewhat make up for it.
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy :)

_The tapping sound of your feet echoed between tall buildings of Coruscant loudly. It was a magnificent city and on a nights like this one you loved sneaking off to the old Jedi temple and look at the bright night sky from its huge steps. It gave you a sense of belonging, in a weird way. Or rather, wanted to feel like you’ve belonged somewhere and the traditions of the great Knights was the only thing you knew, so it was natural. You yearned to be there now. However this wasn’t one of those peaceful nights. It was a working night. Those you hated, more than most things, almost as much as you hated the First Order. Working nights turned you into something vile, something you didn’t want to relate to. You knew this street all too well. If only you could get far enough to sink unnoticed through the tunnel that was up ahead. This had been a routine job. In every way same as what you did almost every other night for months. You knew you could get out of your current predicament too, after all you’d done it numerous times before. Mentally you reminded yourself to kill Marcus, or at least to make sure Jen kills him, for not providing you with sufficient information. You prepared as you always have, yet turned out your latest victim had some damn persistent Twi'lek guardian dogs. And they were apparently determent to hunt you down and get their boss' property back. But you were good, too good for the likes of them, definitely too good for your young age of seventeen. You have had enough practice for the two years on the planet. Stars, you were the best in the business. You could see the tunnel you just needed thirty more seconds to reach safety. But the fuckers had divided their forces and you had been intercepted._

_It was on you, though you could have used the Force and then you would have surely evaded them long before they knew what had happened. But you really, really tried to stick to some proper behavior, to keep some principles in this lowlife form of existence you led. You were a con artist, you coned and stole from the rich for the even richer or for whom ever your benefactor Jen said you should steal for. But there were still some lines that you wouldn't cross lightly. Even at the expense of survival, Force was a weapon of good in you, not a tool of deception and thievery. You had to keep at least that promise you had made to yourself._

_"Going somewhere sweetheart?" Your interceptor asked with a smirk on his face. "I am sure our boss will be delighted to see you again."_

_"He would like his property back sugar." The other one came up behind you and squeezed your upper arm while the first one tore the cloth covering your face down. "It does look so pretty around your neck though, such a shame."_

_"The necklace is a debt he owes and he knows to whom. So if he wants it back he can go to my employer directly and settle the score." You held your own, but the grip on your arm strengthened and your captor stared directly into your eyes._

_"How old are you kid?" He asked a bit more sympathetic now after he had had a chance to take you in and realized he held a teenager. "You don't look a day over sixteen, certainly not old enough to be doing something like this. Do you really think it's worth losing a head over?"_

_“A girl has got to survive somehow!” you shrugged._

_"You're wasting time man." The other one spoke again, a note of disgust in his words. "She's one of the Eagles." You turned to realize that he was looking into a small tattoo of two black wings that hid just behind your ear. Right under your hairline. The symbol represented the organization (though that had been too kind of a word) you worked for._

_"One of Jen's little demons, are you kid? It's even bigger shame then that leaves us no choice."_

The sound of tapping feet over a metal floor was what woke you up from your walk-down-a-memory-lane dream, as well. You vision was blurred at first and a metallic taste hung on your tongue. It made you thirsty. The floor underneath you was cold, freezing. In fact it took you a couple of long moments to realize you had been trembling slightly. This made you guess you were up in Space. Space was always cold, after being on a planet like Jakku, even more so. And all this metal environment did little to salvage the situation. The ceiling above you had two strong reflectors that shone a light down on you, so strong that they blinded you as soon as you regained some capability of sight. Strangely, those didn’t increase the temperature of the place either. Closing your eyes again for a brief moment you moved into a siting positon. A dull pain in your right hand captured your immediate attention, a small layer of band aid was covering it. It itched too, annoyingly so. You mind flashed back to the moment you got injured and suddenly you remembered. You were captured, by the Order. Inspecting your surroundings you quickly you assessed your situation. The cell was long but only like three feet wide and there was literally nothing but black walls on three sides of it. The front however was closed off by an energy field. A ray shield or something. 

“I know what you’re thinking.” A strict but not fully cold voice came from the other side of the shield, causing you to take notice of the man standing there observing you. The space in front of your cell was a dark long hallway, a complete contrast to the strong light of your cell. Like an animal in a freaking zoo, you thought, but said nothing. The man wore an Order uniform, plain dark gray, but it didn't have colors or any other specifics that could have helped you determine his ranking. He was tall, not as tall as your captor had been though you noted for yourself, his face expressionless. His ginger hair standing perfectly in place. Stern and strict as his entire persona. “The taste you feel is a result of some minor tests we had to conduct. Standard procedure, really. Here in the First Order we like to make sure our extinguished guests are well taken care of. Healthy most of all.”

“If this is how you treat extinguished guests, like lab rats, I don’t want to imagine what happens to those who don’t hold your favor.. I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure?” You answered him almost in a polite question. 

“I don’t make a habit of introducing myself to traitors and criminals!” every word out of the man’s mouth was delivered with a precision of a whiplash. On purpose you suspected. “But for such a pretty face I will make an exception.” He continued. “General Hux.” A smile crossed his lips. “And I want you to remember it, girl, I want it to be the only thing you think about when you’re walking to your execution.” You could swear you’ve seen a sadistic streak in his eyes as the statement rolled of his lips. High and mighty, a young, overly proud General. How small he really was you realized. You didn’t even need the Force to understand this man spoke from the other side of your cell shield because he wasn’t feeling quite ready to come in and chat face to face. You returned him a smile, one you hoped was similar to his viperous one. 

“You don’t intimidate me General.” You stood up as you continued, to emphasize your statement. “I’ve met many men like in my life. If you want my death, why don’t you simply come in here and kill me right now? I am a girl, I am unarmed. And as you’ve so graciously pointed out I am a traitor and a criminal. Or maybe you are in fact not enough of a man to do your own dirty work.” You raised your eyebrow and crossed your arms on your chest. 

“You filthy scum! Do you take me for a fool! I know what you are.” his pale face grew red with rage, and you suspected that he wanted nothing more than to do exactly what you suggested. The way he sound out the “what” made it crystal clear he despised Force users. You assumed Kylo Ren was to thank for that one, yet in this particular case, you would most rather give him a tap on the shoulder. Anyone with a shred of common sense would find this man despicable. As if he guessed what you thought, the look he gave you.. well if eyes could kill you’d have had a thousand stab wounds just then. “You dare to think that just because you still hold some information valuable to the Order, your days here will be a walk in the park. No, you foolish, little girl. Commander Ren will finish with your pilot friend soon enough and then I’ll gladly let him deal with you. You both are the same sort, after all, so it’s only fitting. And I can promise you, then you will wish I had been the one you chose to talk to.” Turning on his heal with military precision and speed he started walking toward the exit of a hallway. His words have planted a seed of fear for Poe, and it started rapidly growing. If he was being interrogated by Commander Ren, you knew, without any doubt even if he had more resolve than most, he would break. But you weren’t voicing your concerns to this ginger piece of shit.

“You’re a coward General!” You yelled after him in a purposely amused tone. “If I am to be interrogated, I’d rather it be by the man who at least had the guts to face, a foolish, little girl like me!” Hux stopped for a second and then spoke without turning. 

“Oh, I am going to enjoy killing you. Indeed I am.” Moving to the door he barked the order to a Stormtrooper there. “Guard her, just in case!” you almost rolled your eyes. The man was fully ignorant, had you been able to open you cell in any conceivable way you would have done it only to strangle him, and his sadistic grin. 

Worry for Poe hasn’t subsided however and you sat on the cold floor of your cell and crossed your legs ready to go into a meditation. You wanted to attempt to reach him somehow, make sure he was still alive. A beeping sound interrupted you even before you have had a chance to really start. Opening one eye only to find a Stormtrooper inspecting the looking system of your cell, you jumped to your feet again and approached the energy field in disbelief.

“What the kriff are you doing?!” You questioned as your heart bumped against your chest, apparently you were the only one out of the two, aware of the danger he could put you in.

“I am helping you escape.” He answered quickly. To say his tone was nervous would have been an understatement of a lifetime. He sounded like he was in pre heart attack stages.

“Woah, slow down dude! Stop!” But since your newly found helper chose to ignore you, making you wonder if those cursed Stormtrooper helmets damaged his hearing, you yelled a bit louder. “Hey bucket head! Stop. Right. Now! Before you blow us both all the way to the Outter rim! 

“What?” his helmeted head turned towards you and with nervous, and kind of shaky hands he removed it. And you were greeted with a young man, approximately your own age. This had you taken by surprise, you knew the Order took kids, but you couldn’t have imagined how young they were when they had already been made into full blown killing machines. His face was sweaty, it was painfully obvious he was freaking out. All the uncertainty and fear, the confusion followed by the horrific images he had witnessed down on the planet, your capture included, flew from him too you the second his dark eyes gazed into yours. The emotions had been so strong that even the energy prison you were in had been unable to prevent them from sipping through. His intentions clear as daylight in spite of his dark surroundings. Even though you hadn’t know him at all you got a strong urge to hug him. His life has been a nightmare, but there he was his eyes holding nothing but pure good in their depths. He was terrified though and you wanted, needed to convince him he was strong enough right now, you owed him already. In different circumstances, or a different life, he could have been a good friend.

“Listen kid. See this.” You started, pointing to the energy separating you. You were unsure why you had called him kid, you were peers, but there was something about his look of a lost puppy. “This is a coded ray shield, and unless you know the exact code to unlock it, after you type in a couple of mistakes, it goes boom on us!” the guy looked at you for a moment, your words slowly sinking in. The spark in his eyes almost went out so you quickly reprimanded yourself. “But that doesn’t matter, ‘cause you don’t really need me to get out of these place. You heard the General docheface. Ren is with my companion now, and when he’s done he’ll be coming straight here. Which means your opportunity lies there.” All of your deception experience form your earlier life came in handy now. “Tell his guards Ren has demanded him, for a cross questioning with me or something to that effect. I don’t know you know the procedures here…” you quickened, afraid your time was fleeting. “Then get him to a hunger bay, take the first damn ship you see and get the hell out of here!”

“Him. No, no you’re the Force user!” The solder pressed on, talking even quicker and more frantically than you, if that was possible. “I heard what Ren said down on Jakku, you’re the one that can even remotely stand up to them.. “

“Which will do you no kriffing good, because while I have exactly one flight to my flying experience, Poe is the best freaking pilot in the Galaxy.” You cut him off, your patience running out as you could feel his growing restlessness. “Trust me, kid if anyone can get you out of here- it’s him.” you looked him directly in the eyes, praying you were winning him over. He nodded once. “Good. Now this is important, no it’s paramount. He’ll want to come get me. You must stop him!” your own heart protested upon this. But you knew, both you and Poe had a part to play in this war, and if your destiny was to part ways now, then that’s what must be done. _Teach yourself to let go._ You whispered to yourself, gaining courage. “Tell him I said he has to go, that the mission is too crucial. That I’ll be fine.” Your new friend nodded once more. “Also tell him to find the droid.” 

“The droid?” now he questioned in obvious confusion.

“Yes the droid, he’ll understand. Promise me kid, don’t let him come for me!” a long moment he just looked at you. His nervousness thrown to the background to give way to a deep sadness. He felt sorry for you, you realized. Also he understood the sacrifice you were making, he understood your feelings. With all of their programing and brainwashing, they didn’t break this guy. It made you proud, proud to have met him even if it was briefly.

“I promise.” He simply said, and he returned his helmet to its place. The sense of anxiety returning almost immediately as well. He turned to leave before taking another micro-second “What’s your name?” he didn’t want to leave you in this hell hole without even knowing your name.

“Anatoli. What’s yours?” 

“FN-2187” he said quickly. “Friends just call me 2187 though.”

“Oh for Force sake.. You’re not a year kid.” you sighed at the realization that he has been treated as a piece of an equipment. Just a simple weapon, his entire life. “I’ll just stick with kid, if that’s okay.” He nodded again and you smiled warmly. “Okay go now, fast!” he turned and you said one last goodbye. “And kid. May the Force be with you.” From the hallway door he turned once more.

“With you too, Anatoli. And I’ll do my best to help him, I promise.” He reassured you once more (and you could have sworn he was about to say sorry he hadn't been able to rescue you too) before disappearing. Sighing once more, you only now took notice of your heart that has literally climbed up to your throat. This could go wrong in so many ways. If you were to be completely honest with yourself, in your current situation, it has been a fool’s luck. Better that you could have hoped for. If it wasn’t for the Kid, you would have no options what so ever. Now the only possible thing to do was wait. You needed to provide Poe and the Kid a distraction, for a while at least, or they would never leave the place. Which meant you needed to entertain Kylo Ren, keep his focus on you long enough. The thought tied your stomach into a knot, and your restlessness slowly transformed into fear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You didn’t know exactly how long has it been before you heard the sound of footsteps again, but it has been long enough you hoped. You felt him long before his tall, figure appeared in the door frame. The darkness that surrounded him was as thick as you remembered from your first encounter. Hell it might have even been stronger here, or maybe it was a trick of the mind because of the coldness that had already been torturing you. He blocked the light of the outter hallway almost completely, while he just stood there for a second or two. A show of power and superiority, you understood, yet you refused to lower your gaze. You may have been a caged and wounded animal now, but you still had pride. Oh he was intimidating, in that black armor and with the metal mask hiding any trace of an actual living specimen under it. He was powerful, unlike the General who had visited earlier, this masked man didn’t wear a mask of control and impeccable power that you could see through. He was the embodiment of raw power, in its purest, overwhelming form. That kind of power wasn’t meant to be controlled. That kind of power consumed his enemies. And in spite all that something in him, intimidating as he was, brought out a spark of defiance in you. In a strangest of ways your fear didn’t paralyze you, it motivated you to push back. You took a deep breath, your eyes never moved from him, and you started building a wall around your thoughts. You took your time with it, placing each brick perfectly in place. It almost seemed like he was waiting for you to complete your fortress. _He likes a challenge_ , you thought. _Good._ The longer he tries to tear it down, the more time Poe and the Kid will have. Once you were done he crossed the dark hallway in only a couple of long stride. Yet unlike the General he hasn’t stayed towering tall over you, rather he squatted so the visor of his mask was at least somewhat in your line of sight. It was almost like a game with you two. He waited a second, then he started:

“Remember me, Ana?” mechanical voice rang out and bounced off the metal walls, which made it sound that much more artificial. It send a shiver of fear down your spine, but you didn’t flinch. He was trying to get a point across. There had been only one way he could learn your name, and more specifically that nickname. Out of Poe’s head. This additionally ignited your rebellious spirit. You shrugged casually and lifted your wrapped up hand.

“You left me a token of your appreciation, _Lord Ren._ How could I possibly forget, it still stings.” You calmly stated, making sure to put a note of mockery on the way you pronounced his title, and even though you couldn’t see his face from that damn mask, something told you he was smirking under it. He found you amusing you remembered. Now however you couldn’t sense anything from him, just like you he has cloaked his mind and his feelings. 

“I would apologize, but to be fair, that had been your own fault.” He replied equally calmly. “I’ve learned much about you today, you know? I must admit you’re a quite intriguing creature. Strong in the Force, an orphan, yet somehow partially trained. Interesting, indeed. But there’ll be time to discuss all that.” He paused for a moment. “Now, I am sure you know why I am here, don’t you?” you smiled, mocking him further. 

“Apparently all the high ranking officers of the Order greet extinguished guests, it is protocol as I understand. Or something to that effect, I wasn’t listening to General Hux with much attention, really. He’s a rather tedious man. All death threats, and no fun what so ever.” This made the sinister Knight laugh. 

“Not the word I would have used, but I agree. Listening to Hux is one of the least pleasant things both of us have apparently been forced to endure.” You almost laughed too to his words. As far as unusual interrogations go, this had to take the prize. “Speaking of unpleasantness, I don’t suppose you’d be willing to spare us one now?” he asked, and he sounded half genuine in his question. Somehow you could tell his voice, without that damn mechanical tone to it, would be far less unpleasant. Shrugging yet again, you said.

“I am afraid our duty leaves us little choice in the matter, doesn’t it Commander?” He slowly nodded, assessing your decision for a second and then standing back up and raising his hand you heard the code being typed in, he was doing with the Force. You followed his actions standing up straight too, quelling your incising fear. The energy field disappeared and he took a step forward. Huge as usual and given the size of your cell he was right in front of you. You swallowed your anxiety as you lifted your gaze up to meet the hollowness of his visor once more. 

“You’re a very brave person, I’ll give you that.” He said, lower than usual, almost in a whisper. He actually meant it. “I can feel your fear, I can practically smell it, but here you are standing like a well-trained solder. Impressive.” 

“I make a point of not bowing down to tyrants.” You replied firmly. “Afraid or not.” 

“I guess we’ll see about that, won’t we. Since you insisted.” A gloved hand rose to your forehead and he gently, gentler than you expected, pressed his thumb right above your eye. The rest of his long fingers sneaked into your hair, the visor of his mask ever so focused on your eyes. And another whisper came. “I wouldn’t resist if I were you, it would make the whole procedure way less painful.” Just as he finished speaking, the wave of the Force flew through him straight into you, with a focus point in his thumb and a piercing pain grabbed a hold of you. You cringed but pressed your lips tightly together. _You will not scream!_ You told yourself.

 ** _“Don’t fight it, it will get overwhelming quickly if you don’t let it out.”_** You heard a voice in your head, and with some weak remaining thinking powers you realized it was his. Yet it was different that the voice his mask produced. Deep, masculine but also somehow gentle and soothing. A perfect baritone. 

“Shut up!” you squeezed out through gritted teeth. He pressed further into your mind and the pain increased causing you to push your head slightly down and breaking the gaze with him so you could keep the wall up. As his another attempt was averted he backed off, letting you catch your breath.

“You’re much stronger in shielding your mind, than you are in combat.” He took a moment to compliment you, regardless of how out of place it was right then. 

“We all have our own battlefields.” He nodded and continued. “You would be good in a fight too, with a bit of refining.” 

“I’ll save my thank you, for when you aren’t trying to crack my brain open, okay?” you asked sarcastically, and he laughed again returning to his task, this time pushing you physically against the wall too. The Force he put behind this attempt was like nothing you’ve ever felt before, it was as if a pair of invisible hands ripped your scull open. This time you did scream, loudly. And the pictures of your life started slowly sipping through the cracks. Luckily you were still strong enough to filter them, at least for a little while. The dream you’ve had earlier tonight was the first reveled. More of your Coruscant misadventures followed it, quickly, his velvet voice whispering into your mind **_You’re getting more interesting by the minute freedom fighter._** He dug deeper and deeper as memories of your life, your hopes and dreams, flew like a movie replayed for both of you to see. And then he has reached it, the memory of that one day. The most private one. The day the Order killed your family. 

“No!” you blurted out angrily between your screams as tears started rolling down your cheeks. “Not that! Anything but that!” **_Then give me what I want!_ ,** He coaxed, whispering it in your mind like a lover, as he added more power behind his words to pull the memory from you. Rage exploded in you and your hands lifted on an instinct, gripping either side of his helmet. Not backing up, Ren pressed his body flat against yours, to stop you from moving again, making you pant for breath. The Force he used to break you and the Force you used to push back suddenly merged into one. It was as if you were spinning, like you were only yesterday with Poe on his ship. The memory of the event flew through your link to Ren, making him growl angrily. You have hidden his desired prize form him for a moment. But the link has now been flowing both ways and you felt rage, similar to yours. Or was it only his, or only yours all along. There were also, loneliness, confusion, longing, hate, the feeling of being torn, and emptiness. But most of all rage on top of more rage and more rage. The darkness, thick and strong, but also light, not as strong, but persistent, resilient. His or yours, dammit? It was too similar, too familiar and therefore it was difficult to say, in given circumstances. It was difficult to say where you ended and he began. He was in your head still, but you were in his too. It wasn’t as intrusive as before. It was like, like some sort of a cluster within the Force in which you both coexisted, tolerating each other. It was strange and foreign, but it hadn’t quite felt so. Ren took another memory of you the one of the start of your mission, how you made Poe take you along. Desperate to resist him you yelled into his head **_Enough!_**

Suddenly another memory had appeared, but this one wasn’t yours. It was a memory of a boy. His face was a blur. Even now Ren was somehow blocking you. Must have been his superior training, since you had no clue how to block him when you were connected like this. _Mother._ The boy, not older than six by the size of him, yelled after a silhouette of a woman who was walking away from the scene, his tone pleading. _Mother, please!_ His weak, young voice cracked up, shaking. The child was crying, or more like sobbing. Then it disappeared, just as sudden as it had appeared. In the physical world Kylo Ren’s free hand gripped your side with such crashing strength, it caused your ribs to ache. “You have no right!” his artificial voice growled at you. With one final stow of the Force he gripped your mind, and reached for your precious hidden memory. In a last attempt to hide it, shamelessly and selfishly, you gave him what he was really after. The map to Luke Skywalker. In a panicking haze you pushed a picture of you giving it to BB-8 into his mind, altogether with a picture of your lips on Poe’s and the feelings it provoked in you. His emotions relished in his triumph, yet the anger he felt was still lit, too. Unable to do much more, just moments later you collapsed into his arms, utterly exhausted, tears of shame and disappointment kept running down your face slowly. You were the worst human being in the Galaxy. No matter how much you tried, nor how much light you harbored, you always put self-preservation first. This has proven it.

 ** _“Shhh.”_** His voice, his real voice whispered in your mind. Though you have broken from the Force grip you had on each other, the feeling of that cluster strangely lingered. Therefore you could still hear him even when he didn’t speak. **_“You’ve resisted longer than anyone else ever has, take pride in that.”_** A part of him wanted to boast how he had broken “your lover" in a matter of minutes, but he refrained in a gentleman manner. At this point you half appreciated that. 

And then the emergency crisis alarm went off. Its sound has been a small comfort. _They made it._ You thought, briefly forgetting about the connection with the Knight. In doing so you’ve subconsciously revealed the whole plan to him in an instant. Kylo Ren’s grip on your waist disappeared immediately, letting you fall to the floor, a mess. His last thought barked at you, through gritted teeth, yet silently, was:

_I should kill you right now!_

_Do it._ Came your answer. Was it a challenge or more of a plea, even you didn’t know.

 _No!_ Hate and anger have now obviously overtaken all of his being, as he looked down at you, his hands squeezed in fists. If he felt you were a prisoner but still a human being, before, it has been long gone. _You get to live to see me kill them both, now!_ A punishment for the part you took in Poe's escape, you knew. _You get to live to see me win! You get to see when I make sure Luke Skywalker doesn't live long enough to become your Master! You’ll be my witness, and you’ll bear the weight of your betrayal!_

He took special pleasure in delivering two last statements. And then he stormed out in those long strides. The energy field reappearing as soon as he left the cell. He would have said more, had he had time to torture you longer. You were sure he’ll take his sweet time in the days to come, his emotional state practically screamed his intentions at you. Not that it mattered anymore, not that anything mattered. Panting you pulled your knees to your chest and just stayed laying there, tears still clouding your vision. He was right. Death was too good for you, after you've betrayed the people that would have trusted you with their lives and would have given theirs for yours at any time. After you've betrayed your own principles. And why? Out of fear. Out of pride.. Whatever Ren had in store for you now- You deserved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I think about this one I've just sorta written it and posted it at once, because my free time doesn't allow much more presently.  
> Anyways you know all the comments, critics, suggestions, ideas and all of those lovely things are extremely welcome and even more so appreciated.  
> Love you all! :)


	4. The Resistance will (not) break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I know, I know, it's been forever and for that I apologize sincerely. I won't make any promises about when the next chapter will be published, but I will try to do it sooner rather than later. Also thanks to everyone who has read, commented, left kudos, bookmarked the story, etc. You guys have no idea how much it means to me. :) 
> 
> Anyways to get on with it, this chapter is a bit more violent, and contains some mild suicidal thoughts, some nudity, some torture, our Reader is physically and psychologically weakened, etc. If those kind of things are offensive and not to your liking, be warned, you might want to skip this one. 
> 
> If you're on board with all previously stated things, then by all means, enjoy. :)

What happens when a person has parts of their life boxed up and the boxes start cracking and all that makes them start pouring through? Like when all the bad feelings go straight into one big box, and then the worse ones into a smaller one that’s goes inside the bigger one, and then the really discussing ones into an even smaller one that goes inside the previous two, and so on into infinity. How long before the size of the cracks increases. How long before they all explode? And what is then left to be anticipated? In the end, what hope is there?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

How many hours have passed? It may have been thousands, it made no difference to you. You didn’t bother counting them anymore. Meditation wasn’t an option after the first few.

You tried to keep your eyes closed most of the time, evade the cursed light that didn’t give you a moment of peace. In your numbness all you craved was sleep. Dreams of something nicer. Dreams of some sort of home, a sense of serenity, wherever that was. If only you could sleep, just for a while... it wasn’t possible. Between the freezing coldness of the floor beneath you, and the brightness of the reflectors above you, the best you could hope for is eventually passing out in exhaustion. Your injured hand itched and stung a bit, maybe it was infected by now too, but you did your best to ignore it.

They, the guards, came in every once in a while, pointing their blasters at you, making sure you don’t pounce unexpectedly. Acting on orders, you assumed, otherwise they wouldn’t have come inside your cell. Never have they stayed long anyways, just put a small plate with food on the floor, in silence. At first you have considered this as an opportunity, but all your hope of potentially catching them off guard, with an improvised weapon of some sort, died out once you’ve inspected the plate. It had been made of some form of silicone, unusable as any form of attack tool. You force threw it against the wall, spilling its contents.  
Every other time this routine followed you barely looked at it. Not that you weren’t hungry, hell you were starving, but you’ve decided firmly you would not eat anything they give you. He wanted you alive and well, didn’t he say so? He wanted a witness to his horrific grandeur. Well, you had different plans. 

Those, understandably, didn’t consist of much. After all, what could you possibly do while captive. Not much except maybe mess with that small part of his sadistic plans. Just because you couldn’t get rid of him for hours since he’s left your cell. The feeling of him being Omni-present in every corner of your very being wouldn’t disappear and it has been simultaneously frustrating and enraging. 

He wasn’t in your head anymore, not openly at least. He blocked it probably, you told yourself repeatedly. But he has remained in your soul, as stupid as that sounded, you felt somehow changed since the connection has been opened and operating between the two of you. Thick darkness surrounded the light within you ever since. It, the light, was caged, much like yourself, and the walls were getting closer suppressing it, slowly but more persistently as the time passed. Granted, it has always been there in a certain measure but never this strong. 

However desperate the situation may have seemed it wasn’t in your nature to give up completely. Your first instinct has always been survival and so you chose to believe him blocking you meant he had dismissed you as an immediate threat for the time being. Through your weakened mind state you’ve been contemplating your options carefully. At first, death had seemed like the most obvious one, if for no other purpose then to spite Ren. With a rich variety of experience provided both by your criminal past and the Resistance soldier training you’ve been privy to many creative ways an individual could end their life during captivity to avoid severe interrogation process. Once you’ve heard of a prisoner ripping his ulnar and radial arteries with his teeth in order to bleed out before the enemy got a chance to interrogate him. In your case this wasn’t the smartest option you’ve decided, for one thing if they caught you wouldn’t be given a second chance to attempt something like that and if they didn’t catch you that would be terribly final and, truth be told once you’ve calmed down you’ve decided that if there was even a small chance of escaping you had to take it.  
You wanted to live long enough, just like he wanted you to, but to see the Order fall, with your own eyes. The universe owed you that.

This way you’ve decided the best option was starving yourself. Extremely messy and tortures at best, that much was clear when severe nausea kicked in after you’ve missed about five meals. Gruesome but if it got you taken to the med bay, it would pay off. It had to. You weren’t ready to admit defeat, though it was obviously harder to remain consciously or physically strong enough in such conditions. Dehydration adding to the problem. 

How many hours have passed? You didn’t know but the troopers have once more returned. Weakly you turned your head towards the visitor. Shiny white armor blinded you so your eyes closed and you sharply inhaled. Two blasters pointed at you like before. 

“This is hardly necessary man.” One of them spoke mockingly using his foot to lift your head off the floor and turn it upward. Your span of emotions had been a mess ever since your interrogation, but this… One day. You quietly promised, as you jerked your head away. One day I will spill your worthless blood. All the sympathy you’ve felt for the troopers in light of their cruel destiny had faded in the past days. The darkness pushed form the outer rim of your being further towards the center. You did little to stop it now. “Look at her she’s filthy and weak. Discussing Resistance scum.” 

“You haven’t been eating little beast, have you?” the other one said, his helmet’s visor expecting the older plates around your cell, before resting on your face. “You don’t even look pretty anymore. Such a shame, you were nice to look at when you first arrived.” Hidden meaning in his words wasn’t lost on you, and you closed your eyes again before giving him a weak, but still rebellious smile.

“You don’t even have the mind capacity to think for yourself, I doubt it makes much difference to you, you’d probably need your master’s permission to indulge yourself in mere thinking of me anyways.” Your laughing was cut short when his hand gripped your jaw firmly. His grip so strong it seemed like he could easily break it if he only applied a tiny bit more pressure.

“You think you’re so superior to us, you bitch. But we’re not the one trapped like wild animals.” He pulled your head up closer to his helmet. “By now you must know, there’s no way out for you. Things can only get worse from here. ” 

Smiling once more, in almost a psychotic manner, you gathered however small amount of saliva you could in your dehydrated state, and with all the force you could mater spat at your aggressor. His visor stained by it. A moment he just stood stunned and then, without a warning his hand let go of your jay only to slap you so hard your head hit the floor. The impact so violent it caused intense pain. A distinct, coldly metallic taste filled the inside of your mouth, but you had only a second to contemplate what it meant before what had certainly been a mild concussion resulted in you drifting off.

Sleep you had so impatiently wanted and awaited was finally granted to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

You weren't sure what had woken you up, the echoing of loud voices or the strong blast of cold water that hit your face moments later. The strength of it filling your mouth in spite of your attempts to keep them firmly closed. It made you gag instantly, the sensation excruciatingly painful. If there was any conscious thought in your mind it screamed: I am being water boarded.

Yet it couldn't have been that, you weren't on your back you were on your side on cold white ceramic floor. The ray of water moved from your face to your torso and you violently coughed out a significant amount of water, with a pale reddish color to it. Blood. Your blood. The water moved down to your lower body, biting on every tender piece of your bare skin, but whenever you attempted to lift your head up your gaze and greet the person or people doing this to you, they would redirect the blast back to your face, reproducing the drowning sensation, which caused your lungs to ache and your body to shake uncontrollably, gripping the thread of life desperately. Your scattered mind seemed not to notice or fully process the fact that you were completely naked. For all your previous death wishes you now saw your basic, human, survival instinct would always prevail. You weren't ready to give your life up. Not yet at least. This self-reflection thoughts were met by stopping of the water. 

Suddenly some sort of cold and thick substance was poured onto your face and hair and a strict, ordering voice barked at you: "Wash yourself." Shampoo, you now understood. And your bathing official had again been a Sormtrooper, you guessed. Though you couldn't quite make him out, due to the soap like substance burning your eyes and blurring your eyesight. With trembling hands you smeared the shampoo off your face and into your hair, noticing an unusual heaviness in your muscles. You could have easily assign that to your starvation, but something seemed off about that explanation. Something seemed off entirely. Once you spoke it came out ragged and weak, foreign. 

"What is this? What did you do to me?" You half expected laughter and more insults yet another trooper spoke and you distinctively heard it had been a female voice, however muffled by her helmet. 

"You've been sedated prisoner 1323, on Generals orders." She started in a cold and official tone, but once she continued it seemed a tad softer. “You are due for another shoot since you woke up, just in case, but I wouldn't worry it should wear off in a bit, once you're back in your cell." 

You appreciated the input, but you hated what it had meant for you. Sedated for a Force user meant handicapped, unable to touch the Force in the full. You felt it, but it was separated from you by an invisible veil, and as long the sedative had been in your bloodstream there it would remain. And they had orders to up the dose. It made you feel sick again. 

“No!” you protested, backing up as much as you could. And that hadn’t been much before the first trooper, the one that had been operating the water pipe seized you by the upper arm. “No!” you flat out screamed now as the girl trooper somehow produced a syringe in her hand. 

“I am sorry, it’s protocol.” She said, as if to justify herself and confirm it hadn’t been her choice, and it sounded like she had actually meant it. But you knew it was bullshit, you could bet it hasn’t been protocol- it has been some sick twisted power play orchestrated by their General. A pay back for the insults you gifted him with. The needle was just an inch from your skin when, out of the blue it exploded into a million pieces. 

It was impossible to feel him before he appeared, just like it has been impossible to feel anything at present, thanks to their sedation, but once he entered the room he cast a huge shadow of his tall form and it was utterly unnecessary to lift your gaze up to know who it was. Any wondering about what had just happened to the new dose you were to receive rendered self-explanatory. The hand holding your upper arm was quickly ripped from you and its owner flew into the wall with a piercing bang. So loud you could have sworn the blow had been so hard it cracked open the trooper’s helmet. He sighed in pain and stayed down. Was he out or has he just figured it’s smarter to pretend to be out at that point, you couldn’t tell.

“Co.. Commander Ren.” Attempting to lift yourself into a sitting position on shaky arms, you heard the girl trooper stutter at the site of Kylo Ren. Your gaze finally greeted him and you couldn’t help but notice his fists were clutched. Indication of anger that was nearly unable to detect when he spoke. You only imagined that was partially because of the voice modulator partially because he knew it made him sound that much more intimidating.

“Officer LY-0911, care to explain this? I don’t recall giving an order to move or, for that matter do anything to this particular prisoner.” 

“Sir..” To say Officer LY-0911 sounded terrified would be understating it. “General Hux ordered us to make sure the prisoner is cleaned and taken care of. She hasn’t been eating and..”

“Do you think I care about what General Hux wants?! Do you LY-0911?!” before she was given a chance to master up a reply, she started gasping for air, a second later she fell to her knees in front of him only to be lifted up midair seconds later. 

“She is worth at least a hundred troopers like yourself if not more, LY-0911. Can your limited mind comprehend that?!” You eyesight was still blurred but you could make out the unfortunate girl nodding slowly. Her landing, after he had released her form his force grip must have been painful yet she didn’t voice her discomfort in any way, she only gasped for air in deep breaths, surly trying to speed up coming back to normal. 

Ren on the other hand approached you, leaning down. One glowed hand lifted your chin and angled your head slightly to the left. His thumb gently brushed over your cheek, causing you to wince slightly at the pain. This had made you aware of a bruise that decorated your face, surly caused by how the trooper had slapped you earlier. Ren produced some sort of noise, it might have been a sigh, but you couldn’t focus enough to distinguish it. Your half open eyes roamed his mask that naturally gave nothing away. It had once been a smooth piece of black and metallic steel, you were sure, yet now it was full of dents, scratches and small cracks. You weren’t immune to the irony, he had once called you unpolished. As much as he probably had a point, it seemed to you the description could easily apply to you both, just maybe in different contexts. It almost made you smile, weird as it may be, being cut off from the force allowed you to access your enemy with a new pair of eyes. His powerful essence was now hidden from you and he looked just like a man in a mask, and masks they were always worn for a reason, you knew. What reason could he possibly had had, since his power was still obvious, you couldn't tell. 

Ren lingered, holding your face and inspecting it for a second more and then averted his gaze to the rest of your body. The strength of the water blast had bruised your skin on several more spots, but none of those had been as bad as the one on your face. Only now, had your brain comprehended how vulnerable you were to him, bare and beaten at your enemy’s feet. Tears suddenly threatened to emerge, so you directed your gaze away from him and squeezed your eyes shut, shame spread through your emotional system like wildfire, and it ignited your hatred once more. You heard him move, before he spoke once more.

“LY-0911, get her dry and dressed, and then move her to my private quarters. Also inform a medical droid to come there and examine her immediately after you deliver her.” His voice was calm, as if he had just given the most mundane order of all. It took a couple of moments for you to process his words in complete disbelief. 

“Si.. Sir, your private quarters?” LY-0911 seemed to share your shock and in spite of what she had previously endured she still questioned him, brave girl. Yet Kylo Ren seemed indifferent to her concerns. 

“Did I stutter by any chance, trooper?” he asked calmly, lifting your eyes to him you saw he took a step toward the girl as he continued. “Tell me, does the First Oder threat its prisoners like animals, LY-0911?! Are we criminals and killers like them?! Answer me!” tone of his voice increasing with each word and you didn’t need the Force to know he was enraged. His temper seemed at best unstable. You swore the girl shook in front of him and you couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. Plain intuition told you that allowing him to continue with his tantrum could prove fatal for the girl, so in all your weakened state you decided to aid her and responded in her place.

“Yes, apparently!” some strength must have returned to you, since the loudness of your words surprised even you. He turned to face you once more and it was as if after an agonizingly long moment of anticipating his reaction, something shifted in him. But he hasn’t spoken to you at this time. However he did to the trooper. 

“I expect her in my quarters shortly. If she is not there by the end of the hour, you can hold me to my word now, General Hux won’t be enough to save your worthless life.” The calm coldness in which he had delivered his words, chilled you and all the trooper managed to choke out was:

“Yes, Commander!” and just like that Ren stormed out of the room in his usual manner. 

His quarters. All this twist of events held, has just started to sink in. Any attempts of escape will surly prove fertile now, under his nose. Were there any more sickening plans he had for you, you were too terrified to contemplate. Only chance you had to escape would be on the way there, but you still hadn’t regained your full connection to the force and without it, it was damn near impossible. LY-0911 handed you a towel and helped you to your feet, leading you to a side room.

“Dry yourself, I will bring you clothes in a couple of minutes.” Apologetic tone was obvious and you gave her something that resembled understanding expression. Once she left you slowly pressed your back to the wall, afraid your knees might give. Moving the towel down your stomach you felt the bruised flesh under your fingers and sighed. Physical pain wasn’t a big deal for you, it has never been. The shame and the psychological humiliation of it all was what got to you. The feeling of utter weakness was what you hated ever since you’ve been left to fend for yourself. And now there was Ren to deal with, with all the psychological games he’ll surely use. You still had vital information, undoubtedly he’ll want them. And what fazed you most, was that he had truly seemed not to understand the evil he represented. _Does the First Order threat its prisoners like animals?_ echoed in your head. What to make of it, you wondered shortly. Had he said it on purpose, to make you consider a possibility of some shreds of humanity in him. You huffed at these thoughts, before pushing any humane feelings toward him away.

 _Broken_ you thought to yourself angrily. After all you’ve survived have you truly allowed for something like this, silly in comparison to what came prior, break you? You almost felt stupid. The darkness pushed further into you, and feeling it told you you’ve regained another bit of your Force sensitivity back.

 _ **“Not broken. Not yet.”**_ You heard it as clear as you’ve heard it all those years ago, and you’ve recognized it. How could you not? You’ve lived to hear it again for years. You'd had so many questions, yet you could voice none from the shock.

_**“The Resistance cannot break, for the sake of the galaxy. You mustn't break, either. Stop blocking the dark, embrace both. Fight them, not yourself."** _

Realization hit you, after a knock on the door pulled you from the shocked state, no questions were necessary, not truly. The Force spoke to you. Hows and whys weren’t relevant, not now. Inhaling deeply you whispered to yourself, with a newly found determination, finally suppressing every dark thought you’ve had for the past period, now fully understanding that in the end there will always be hope, as long as you drew breath. 

“Resistance will not break.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, I truly hope you've liked it.
> 
> Regardless, I would like to hear your thoughts, suggestions, ideas, comments and all of those things. 
> 
> I love you all,  
> M.


End file.
